Right Speech
“Aware
of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen
to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and deep
listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve
others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or
suffering, I am determined to
speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and
hope. I will not spread news that I do not know to be certain and will
not criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain
from uttering words that can cause division or discord, or that can
cause the family or the community to break. I am determined to make all
efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.”
The Fourth Mindfulness Training from The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching by
Thich Nhat Hanh
Right
Speech is one aspect of the Buddha’s Noble Eightfold Path, which is the
way to well-being. Other aspects are Right View, Right Mindfulness,
Right Thinking, Right Action, Right Diligence, Right Concentration, and
Right Livelihood.
Right speech
requires right view, right thinking and right mindfulness. If we
misperceive a situation or are confused, distracted or overwhelmed with
emotion, we are vulnerable to saying the wrong thing. When we are
unclear on our motivations, our speech can be hurtful. When we feel
emotionally depleted it is easy to make comments at another’s expense
so that we might feel more correct, powerful or righteous.
We learn to speak from
our parents and we may pick up their speech habits the same as we pick
up their vocabulary. If their speech was angry, critical, nagging,
belittling, worried, or self-deprecating, we may have learned to speak
in the same way. We might also have learned to avoid certain of their
ways of speech by observing the hurt that they caused. Many who grow up
in angry households declare that
they will never talk to their children in such anger, and in the
process they
disown their anger, become less aware of it and misdirect it when it
arises.
Since we learn to speak
before we gain understanding of the effects of our speech, it behooves
us to reflect upon our speech habits and seek to use this gift of
communication more mindfully.
Practice:
Before you
speak, check the state of your emotions. If you find yourself
emotionally upset, consider the source of your upset. What conditions
led to your current state? Maybe you could hold off speaking until you
have had an opportunity to calm yourself.
Seek to be more aware of
your intentions when you speak. Observe whether your intention is
kindness or if your wish is to harm, hurt feelings, gain power or
justify yourself.
Listen well. Practice
really hearing the words and feeling the emotions of the person you may
be speaking with.
Practice keeping
awareness of your breath while you are speaking or listening. Allow the
breath to calm you. Allow it to empower your words. Speak truth. Speak
kindness.
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©
2002 Tom
Barrett